When you’re having sex, it can be easy to focus solely on your partner’s and forget that you’re supposed to be having fun and feeling good, too. Sex is, after all, a two- (or three-, or four-, or more-) person affair. So whether you’ve been having sex for decades or are new to the game, considering the myriad of ways you can work to make sex better is always beneficial, especially if you’re a woman. In other words, there’s no bad time to visit or re-visit these handy dandy sex tips for women.
Before you start applying the following sex tips to your bedroom life, it’s important to establish what the word “sex” actually means to you. “Historically speaking, sex has primarily been focused on and defined by penetrative sex,” Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality and host of the Sex with Emily podcast, tells Woman’s Day. But there are a lot of other definitions for sex. Whether you’re in a heterosexual, same-sex, or any other type of relationship, sex is what you make of it. “Rather than allowing other people to tell you what is considered to be sex, define it on your own,” Ashley Townes, PhD, MPH, tells Woman’s Day.
Once you’ve established your own definition of sex, you’ll have a better grasp on the sexual behaviors you’re willing to engage in — and the ones you’re not. “Women do not have to accept or allow sex that makes them uncomfortable, sex that hurts, or sex that does not bring them pleasure,” Townes explains. If you don’t want to do something with your partner’s, that’s perfectly OK. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and don’t let anybody tell you differently.
With that in mind, the following sex tips for women are bound to take your sexual activities to the next level. From ensuring consent before and during sex, to experimenting with sex toys and different lubes, there are countless fun and innovative ways you can make your next sexperience (ha, get it?) better than your last romp in the sheets.
Practice the art of seduction.
“One of the missing pieces of erotic experiences I hear about frequently from straight and lesbian women is the desire to be seduced by a partner,” Sari Cooper, AASECT certified sex therapist and director of Center for Love and Sex, tells Woman’s Day. “Whether it’s a hookup or a longer term partner, the experience of being emotionally pursued, flirted with, and seduced has become a lost art.”
Cooper explains that the reason people may feel more reluctant to text or say something suggestive is because of their fear of coming on “too strong” or making things awkward, embarrassing, creepy, or triggering and understandably so. You may not know everything about your partner’s past sexual experiences, so it can be important to tread carefully. But there are ways to learn about things that may or may not make your partner uncomfortable, like learning if they’re turned on by seduction scenes in films, books, or porn.
Ask them “to describe some of these scenes to get a flavor of what it is that is particularly alluring to her,” Cooper suggests. “For many women talking about these scenes can be the outercourse that gets their erotic and physical arousal juices simmering.” If they do enjoy seductive scenes, it gives you an idea of what they may appreciate from you.
Incorporate yours and your partner’s love languages.
Tailoring to each other’s love languages doesn’t only apply to the non-sexual aspects of a relationship. “If you are a words of affirmation person, ask your partner to give compliments during your sexual experiences,” Townes says. “If you are an act of service person, ask your partner to give you a massage.” You can also feed each other’s love languages by increasing arousal before sexual activity, she adds, like through sexting or phone/video sex.